It’s an odd thing. Making The Change in our lives. The Change can be starting a new project, finishing an old one, creating new habits, or breaking old ones. We know how good this said change can be and are aware of the positive outcome and the possible negative consequences if we don’t and yet we still resist The Change. Ah, free will is a fickle friend.
There are some people who seem to have the knack for making changes in their lives, but I can tell you for certain that I am like a toddler who doesn’t want to take a nap, kicking and screaming the whole way. Well, most of the time. While I know there is no one perfect way to accomplish a change that works for all people I have a few suggestions that I find helpful I’d like to share.
When approaching a goal, I first have to make sure I have a realistic expectation of time. Time is subjective. It’s there for baking, schedules, and experiments, but it really isn’t applicable to issues of our humanity. Our experiences as existing as human have nothing to do with a clock or calendar. Of course we want results by a certain day or now. Those are only our desires and not a realistic approach. The truth of change is that it takes a length of time that can not be predicted. No one can see the future. Most habits and projects are not accomplished overnight and it will probably take more than a few days and nights to reverse ingrained habits that have taken a lifetime to establish. The best I can do is say, at this moment, I want this change and at this moment I will honor myself by continuing to work on this change.
This brings me to another item that has brought any progress to a halt. I did not accomplish my goal at some moment and then I regret it and then I feel like a failure. Here is another truth I had to learn to accept. I did not fail, therefore I do not need to regret, and that moment is in the past. Wow! If you can internalize that then there is no way you can’t succeed!
There are two things going on with this stopper. One, I am living in the past which can never be changed, right? It happened and that was then. Secondly, I am not being compassionate to myself. I have berated myself and labeled myself with a very negative name: failure, something I would never do to another human being and something I would not tolerate from another human doing to me, so why would I do that to myself?
If thoughts like these pop into my head I recognize it, let it go and return to what I said before. At this moment, I want this change and at this moment I will honor myself by continuing to work on this change. I am not living in the past, nor the future. I am present again. I am not a failure either. I am continuing to work on the change I want.
While I have a few more things I do I think this is a great place to stop for now. I hope you can find something helpful in my discoveries and I would love to read about anything you find that works for you.