There are certain situations and people I try to avoid. I am not talking about he typical ¨Joe¨ or maybe a certain type personality but people who do not have a concept of boundaries or possibly compassion. I have been deeply hurt by some people in the past because of their actions and lack of consideration. I try to accepted the past as something I can not change and I understand that the reason people tend to act out towards others is there own sense of suffering that they can not recognize. I also choose to not put myself in their path or to be part of their repeated patterns of misguided suffering. It seems to me the wise action to take.
This is sometimes difficult to do considering that the persons I speak about are family members. Sometimes interaction is unavoidable. I greet them with an open heart and know they are suffering but I am only human. The things they say and do hurt me and make me feel sad and mistreated. There is nothing wrong with having feelings and recognizing them, but to dwell in it is unhelpful. The only way I truly can think to solve these situations is to stay away whenever possible.
This leads me to the secondary level of people and situations I try to avoid. The family member who wants to talk about what the other person has done and feels the need to ¨keep me informed¨ of the hurtful individuals, especially when they think I may revel in someone’s misfortune/poor decisions. These family members are particularly difficult to converse with because they believe they mean well. I try to be nonreactive in order to dissuade further discussion. I breathe. I remind myself both the story teller and the subjects are suffering individuals. I still feel hurt by the lack of respect for my boundaries.
I have asked that this type of discussion, particularly about the certain individuals, not be brought into our conversations. While I have no control over whether a person’s conscious or otherwise decision is yes or no to my request, I ask again and again in hopes that they might empathize, one day.
These are difficult things. While I am grateful I am given the opportunity to grow as a compassionate being through adversities like these I also find that it is more difficult to remain present. At odd times my mind wanders and I find myself reliving these situations. My difficultly would seem to be solved if I removed all of these people from my life and yet they are family and are more or less attached to the family unit. So, for now, I continue to strive for compassion for others and myself. To remain present and when I find I am wandering to gently bring myself back and recommit to the present. I write this in hopes that putting it outside of me will help it to reside there. To let it go.
May you be happy today!